If you’re in a rush, here’s a quick overview! If you’re looking for a sure-fire way to pass a monitored test, I have three words for you: urine delivery devices. These bad boys can help you smuggle in a fresh batch of drug-free synthetic pee without ever raising any suspicions.
Supervised drug tests are absolutely nerve-wracking! While detox drinks and home remedies can have some effect, frequent users with slow metabolisms won’t be able to flush everything out in time.
Your best bet to pass a supervised test will always be a high-quality synthetic urine kit. There are formulas out there that fully mimic the chemical makeup of human urine, helping you ace that test with zero suspicions.
But how do you get your solution in the cup while the supervisor is watching? Here, we’ll introduce you to a fool-proof method that’ll save your bacon: the urine delivery device.
For my top two options, I recommend Monkey Dong for dudes and Monkey Whizz for ladies.
How Does a Urine Drug Test Work?
Most pre-employment and routine urine tests come in the form of the five-panel drug test: a two-step test that searches for traces of THC (marijuana), amphetamines, cocaine, opiates, and PCP in urine. Some companies might ask for more comprehensive tests that can look for stuff like barbiturates, benzodiazepines, methaqualone, and methadone, but these essentially operate the same way.
The procedure is fairly simple: At a collection site, you’re given a specimen cup and told to leave your belongings and empty your pockets in another room. You’ll then be assisted to a designated bathroom, and given time to collect your urine in the cup. You’ll also be advised to clean your genital area and catch your urine midstream to avoid contaminants – but you can ignore this advice if you’re using synthetic pee.
How is a Supervised Urine Drug Test Different?
Under special circumstances, you may be required to undergo a supervised urine drug test. For example, the Department of Transportation enforces more stringent rules on safety-sensitive workers because their jobs put their own and others’ lives at risk. These are people who work as pilots, air traffic controllers, large vehicle operators, US Coast Guard crew, and other similar jobs.
While not all DOT tests require supervision, you can be subjected to supervised urine drug testing if you give your employer or Medical Review Officer reasonable cause or suspicion. Tampering with the sample, providing a sample with an unusual odor/color/temperature, having prohibited paraphernalia on hand, or coming up with atypical test results can all lead to a supervised urine drug test.
Rules for non-DOT tests, on the other hand, vary per employer. These, however, still have to be in strict compliance with state and federal laws.
What Happens During a Supervised Drug Test?
There are two types of supervised tests direct observation and monitored collection. Under a direct observation test, a person such as a supervisor or medical professional watches over you as you fill the cup with your sample. Usually, before the drug testing, the supervisor will also ask you to empty your pockets and check your body to make sure you aren’t carrying a delivery device.
Under a monitored collection test, the supervising person cannot check your body for any attachments. That person also isn’t allowed to watch you pee during the test. Instead, they can only assist you to the bathroom and stay outside the door or cubicle. They can listen in for suspicious sounds, but that’s about as far as they can go. If you’re caught using a fake or synthetic urine sample in either a monitoring or direct observation test, your test results will appear as “refusal to take”.
How to Pass a Supervised Drug Test
Depending on the type of test you’ll be taking, the easiest way to pass is with the winning combo of fake pee and a discreet urine delivery device. Yes, you heard me, fake pee.
A detox drink could work for a person who smokes weed every now and then, but not for heavy smokers. The heavier your use, the longer it’ll take to get weed out of your system. Fake pee, on the other hand, is a synthetic formulation that mimics the chemical composition of human urine down to the exact chemical composition.
If you’re armed with a high-quality synthetic urine, you’ll get clean results every time.
But How Do I Sneak The Fake Pee Into Drug Tests?
This is where urine delivery devices come in. These are small, inconspicuous pouches for your fake pee which you can strap onto your waist. Usually, there is a hose or even a fake penis on the other end which you unclip to release the synthetic pee.
Now, if you’re discreet enough – and these things are often very discreet – you can complete a standard urine drug test with these in a jiffy. Even in a monitored urine drug test, these devices will help you keep things on the down low because the hoses are designed to release the fake pee in a way that makes it sound like you’re actually urinating. Neat, huh?
But you can’t just buy any old urine delivery device (just as well as you can’t just buy any fake pee formulation).
Here’s What to Look for in a Reliable Urine Delivery Device
Believable size and color: If you’re male, you’ll want to get a device that’s got a passable prosthetic penis. Nothing too big or small, and most definitely something that matches your skin tone.
Realistic urine flow: While this might not seem like a big deal, it’s essential in helping you pass a supervised test. Monitors know the difference between the sound of real peeing and that of pouring something out of a cup or a gush from a hose.
Discreet: I cannot stress this enough. The entire point of this device is to sneak in your fake pee undetected. You need something that’s small enough to fit even under tight clothing.
Comfortable: If your device is too loose or too tight, your monitors may be able to catch you adjusting it or fiddling with the straps. Reduce this risk by wearing one that’s so comfortable you forget it’s even there.
Easy to control: Super cheap devices have been known to leak and squirt out fake pee. You don’t want to be that guy who looks like he’s just peed his pants. More importantly, if you’re being monitored, you can’t take too long in the bathroom or else you’re going to raise eyebrows. An easy-to-control device will help you finish your test quickly and with no problems.
Fool-proof synthetic urine: Fake pee needs to have basically the same or the closest possible chemical composition to real urine to successfully pass a laboratory urine test. Fool-proof synthetic pee must have the correct amounts of uric acid, urea, and creatinine (among other ingredients), as well as the right pH level, density, color, and even odor.
Reliable heating element: Another thing drug tests look at is temperature. Fresh human urine is typically the same as your body temperature (98.6˚F or 37˚C). Too hot or too cold and you might give yourself away. Some fake pee brands come with small heating pads which can be attached to the bottle or pouch. Others come with heat activating powder that’ll change the temperature of the liquid in seconds.
Male vs Female Urine Delivery Devices
Before we jump into the four urine delivery devices to try, I want to highlight some key differences between male and female devices, and why it’s important to get one that matches your sex. Device design and fake pee formula are two things that differentiate male and female urine delivery kits. Choosing the right device could spell the difference between passing a drug test and failing miserably.
Though both men and women can use devices that consist of an elastic waistband, a urine sample pouch, and a hose for releasing the urine, a game-changing design in male urine devices is the strap-on prosthetic penis. With this, men can walk into a urine test, convincingly “pee” into a collection cup, and walk out of the collection site with no problem.
How to Pass a Supervised Urine Drug Test
Now that you know what to look for in a urine delivery device, here we’ll review the four top-rated urine delivery devices.
The Quick Fix Pro Belt Kit
The Quick Fix Pro Belt Kit is Spectrum Labs’ premier urine delivery device, and it’s popular among male users. The package includes the following:
- 1 medical-grade vinyl bag pre-loaded with 4 oz. of Quick Fix’s synthetic pee formula
- 1 universal-sized elastic belt that fits both men and women
- 1 pre-attached temperature strip
- 1 large adhesive heating pad
- 1 set of instructions
The best thing about the Quick Fix Pro Belt Kit is how well-thought-out the device is despite the fact that it doesn’t come with a prosthetic penis. The bag is really tough, doesn’t tear easily, and is hypoallergenic – meaning virtually anyone can wear it. It’s also leak-proof, with an impressive release system that minimizes leakage.
Unfortunately, there is a lot of room for improvement here. Firstly, we have to talk about the elephant in the room. For men who need to pass a supervised test, a prosthetic penis is really important – if the supervisor glances in your direction, you need to be peeing out of something that looks dick-like.
Next, I don’t fully trust the Quick Fix formula. While Quick Fix’ has pretty much all the things you need to pass a drug test (urea, uric acid, creatinine, and the correct pH balance), it also has something that might trip alarm bells at a drug testing lab. See, Quick Fix uses biocide – an artificial preservative that inhibits bacterial growth. However, since labs have caught wind of biocide’s use in fake pee, they’ve become extra cautions about testing for the substance too.
And if you’re thinking of simply replacing the formula, unfortunately you can’t, as the kit is pre-filled with the fake urine sample.
Lastly, Quick Fix’s heating system is still rather clunky. To pass a urine test, your pee needs to be within the range of normal human body temperature. Quick Fix’s suggestion for heating the sample to the right temperature is to microwave it for 5 seconds and attach a heating pad to the pouch. But heating pads add extra bulk to your belt and not every testing site will be within minutes away from a microwave.
- Pre-loaded bag takes away hassle of transferring fake pee
- Durable, hypoallergenic, and unisex elastic band
- No prosthetic penis
- Biocide in formula will appear in drug testing
- Bulky and unreliable heating system
The Bottom Line: As well-reviewed as Quick Fix’s Belt Kit is, I don’t see myself using this to pass a drug test. I’d be too anxious about the drug testing lab finding biocide in “my” pee, and I’d go crazy trying to plan a side-trip to a nearby kitchen!
Serious Monkey Bizzness’ Monkey Dong
Don’t let the name fool you, the Monkey Dong is the real deal. This male urine delivery device consists of the following:
- 1 strap-on urination device (prosthetic penis)
- 4 organic heat packs, each with an eight-hour life
- 1 vial of powdered fake urine formula
- 1 refill syringe
- 1 set of instructions
Similar to the Quick Fix Pro Belt, Monkey Dong comes with a strap-on pouch made with medical-grade materials, as well as an elastic waistband that can fit up to a size 52″ waist.
And with six life-like and natural skin tones to choose from – light white, white, tan, Latino, brown, and black – you don’t have to worry about that awkward moment when your monitor stares just a little too long at your junk to make sure you aren’t packing a fake. The internal silent squeeze valve is discreet and operable with one hand too, so you can “pee” through your fake penis as naturally as possible.
There’s also an external safety valve which gives you double protection against leakage and spills! As far as passing off as the real thing, Monkey Dong is way up there on the list.
There is one component of the Monkey Dong that I don’t love: the fake pee. Since Monkey Dong is marketed as an adult device for people who like to wet play in the bedroom, I wouldn’t recommend their synthetic pee formula to pass a drug test. However, the great thing about Monkey Dong is that they don’t pre-load the urine sample into the pouch. That way, you can just order a more effective fake urine solution like Clear Choice Sub Solution.
I cannot recommend Clear Choice enough. It’s got the right levels of creatinine, uric acid, and urea; it’s got the right color, odor, foaminess, specific gravity, and pH level. It’s also 100 percent biocide-free, it’s a unisex formulation, AND it’s got something other fake pee solutions don’t! It’s got a unique heat activator powder that brings up the temperature of the urine sample WITHOUT the need for a heating pad or microwave.
- Believable prosthetic penis that comes in six different skin tones
- Discreet internal silent squeeze valve that can be operated with one hand
- Comfortable elastic waistband that fits all
- NOT pre-loaded with fake pee solution so you can buy your own choice
The Bottom Line: For men’s drug testing, Monkey Dong is a great better choice. It’s got a believable prosthetic and a discreet and easy-to-use release system!
The Whizz Kit
The Whizz Kit is the female version of the Whizzinator – a highly popular brand of urine delivery devices made famous after one was found in an NFL player’s luggage.
The Whizz Kit package includes:
- 1 pre-filled bag with 4 oz. of pre-mixed toxin-free synthetic pee
- 1 temperature strip
- 2 organic heat pads
- 1 60-mL syringe
- 1 cotton elastic waistband
1 set of instructions
The Whizz Kit and the Quick Fix Pro Belt Kit are actually pretty similar products in that they consist of pre-filled bags, a hose to release the fake urine into the collection cup, and a set of heating pads you can attach to the pouch.
One slight advantage the Whizz Kit has over the Quick Fix is the synthetic pee solution. It’s got a pretty decent synthetic urine in terms of formulation; it contains uric acid, creatinine, and is pH balanced. It also mimics the density, viscosity, and smell of human pee pretty well too. The solution is housed in a refillable bag too, so if you’re wary about the Whizz Kit’s own fake pee, you can replace it with your choice.
However, my praises for this product ends here, unfortunately. This Whizz Kit is pretty bulky compared to the other products on this list, which makes it hard to hide during a drug testing – especially for women who usually wear tight-fitting clothing. To add to that bulk are the heating pads, which need to be attached to the urine pouch to warm the sample up to normal body temperature.
Another thing that bothers me is the finicky release system that allows the sample to flow out the bladder bag. If you’re nervous or in a rush during a test, the release clips can get pretty annoying to fiddle with.
- Quality urine solution can probably help you pass drug tests
- Refillable bag
- Bulky device won’t pass drug testing monitor
- Bulky and unreliable heat activating system
- Finicky release system could slow you down
The Bottom Line: If you’re not the type who likes to wear hoodies and baggy jeans to the office, you might raise suspicions at your drug testing site.
Just like Monkey Dong, the Monkey Whizz Synthetic Urine Belt is a product Serious Monkey Bizzness, a company that sells urine delivery devices mostly for adult purposes. However, you can definitely repurpose the Monkey Whizz kit into an effective and reliable solution to pass drug tests.
The package includes:
- 1 pre-mixed pouch with unisex synthetic pee and temperature strip
- Adjustable elastic waistband that fits up to a size 54″ waist
- 1 heating pad
- 1 set of instructions
As the female version of the Monkey Dong, it has all the great features of the urine delivery device minus the prosthetic penis. It also makes use of gravity to release the synthetic pee, but this time it’s through a hose. The release system is simple and easy-to-use, allowing you to discreetly “pee” out the contents of the pouch during your test. And talking about discreet, the entire pouch is small enough to fit under your shirt without bulging.
Since this is a Serious Monkey Bizzness product, it also makes use of the same synthetic pee solution. Unfortunately, this pouch isn’t refillable, but you can hack it before your test so that you can empty the contents and fill it up with a better solution. I recommend Clear Choice Sub Solution. It’s helped me pass drug tests before, and many of my other friends have attested to its power to deceive labs! It’s packed with all the same ingredients as natural urine, free of pesky biocide, and, best of all, it comes with a patented Heat Activation Powder (that shit is magic).
- Simple and easy-to-use release system
- Small and discreet enough to go unnoticed at a drug test
- Comfortable elastic waistband
- Pre-loaded with synthetic pee that won’t pass drug testing
The Bottom Line: Despite the extra work required to fill this one up with Clear Choice Sub Solution, it’s worth the effort as the pouch and waistband themselves are small and discreet enough for you to pass drug tests with ease.
Bottom line: Best Ways to Pass a Supervised Drug Test
If you’re anxious about passing a supervised test, you can rest easy knowing that there are reliable urine delivery devices on the market that can help dupe even the strictest drug testing program. All you have to do is attach one to your body, do your business, and walk away knowing you’ve aced your drug test.